The past week or so has been a crazy mix of days where I am driven (and a few things actually got done - despite the kids being home for the summer) and days when I am feel perpetually sleep deprived.
It started with me realizing that not only did I want to accomplish some things on my to do list, but they actually felt possible. It wasn't my old manic, OCD, run myself into the ground activity, but I was able to work for a bit, then rest, then work again, etc. (which is a habit I'm trying to develop). This went on for three or so glorious days!
My appetite changed as well. Instead of wanting to overeat, I started having an aversion to anything but very specific foods. It was almost as bad as pregnancy cravings. Sometimes I start to eat something that seems fine (like the delicious chicken and rice casserole that is my husband's specialty), and after a few bites, I just can't do it. It doesn't taste bad, but my stomach can't take it. Then, of course, there are times, in between, where I'm absolutely starving and can't eat enough, but it still has to be something my stomach can tolerate. Protein seems to help, but not always.
After the energy boost came the crash, and it hit me hard. I've been very lethargic for a while now. I've tried a mix of being active and resting, just taking the day off to relax and have fun, and even sleeping most of the day. Nothing seems to change for the better. I had a meeting the other day and was gone for a few hours. That almost laid my flat for two days, but at least I got to go out and socialize! I really needed that.
Today, I'm a walking zombie, really trying to listen to what my kids are so energetically trying to share with me, but end up patting them on the head saying, "That's nice, honey." Concentration and focus are a joke.
I feel completely useless. I just want to sleep. If I can't run and play with my kids, at least we can snuggle. :) And the at least the cat is happy to have his "pillow/footstool" handy.
Oh, and the car died on the way back from my meeting, so we're without a vehicle now.
Ok, that sounds really bad. I'm not that depressed. I'm frustrated but it could be a lot worse.
I want to have energy to spend time and actually do activities with my family.
I want to be able to be physically active. I’m not saying I plan on running marathons, but being able to exercise and do basic housecleaning on a daily basis would be nice.
I want my mind to feel less foggy all the time so I can do my job well and enjoy being in the profession I love.
I want to be healthy and be at a healthy weight.
I want my life back!
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I'm a mom in Fairfield, CA, overcoming mental illness and crazy health problems to pull my family out of poverty and live my dreams as an author.
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Medical information is based on my own beliefs and experience. Nothing on this site should be used instead of professional medical advice.
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