So, even though I put everything I could into parenting and my child was very academically advanced, I thought his behavior problems were my fault—that I was a bad mother. Why would God trust me with one kid, let alone three? The fact that my son didn't know how to hold a conversation (instead of ranting about his latest obsession) and would flap his hands up and down as he constantly bounced when excited, was terrified of swimming/bathing, heights, having his mouth/teeth/ears touched, changing his clothes (especially his socks), having his nails trimmed, haircuts, loud noises, and any fruit/veggies other than fresh apples or canned green beans, and so much more... This was all my fault. As was the fact that when he was scared, he would clam up and couldn't think or talk, or how, on really bad days, I literally had to drag or carry him into the school office as he sobbed and wailed—where a staff member would physically restrain him until I was gone (after-which time, he would eventually calm down and be fine the rest of the school day. This went on for several grades). Rewards and bribery wouldn't work. Threats made everything worse.
In first grade, due to their zero tolerance policy, he was suspended when he tried help a girl get a leaf off of her clothes that had gotten stuck there at recess. He didn't know how to tell her it was there or what he was doing. It was bothering him, he thought, so it must have been bothering her too. All the teacher heard was that the girl had been "touched" somewhere inappropriately and our son, seeing he was in trouble and not understanding why, wouldn't talk. The teacher and office staff assumed he was being belligerent by not answering their questions (he literally wouldn't speak a word to them) and told us to come get him. Distraught, I rushed to the school and started trying to figure out what really happened. I wasn't a complete idiot thinking my kid could never do anything wrong, but the behavior he was being accused of really didn't sound anything like him.
The principal let me borrow her office as I spent over an hour trying to calm him down and getting him to tell me what happened, in his own way. Dragging it out of him included having him draw diagrams, a seating chart, etc. It was absolutely exhausting, but at the end of it, the principal said that she believed us (even though she couldn't lift the suspension) and asked if we'd ever had him tested for autism. The testing process was eye opening for me. Instead of testing him alone, since he was so young, the therapist asked me to participate. As I answered her questions, there were so many things that were brought up that I'd never thought of before (like sensory issues and self-awareness). Not only that, but most of the questions that I answered for him, I ended up adding a mental check-mark for my own self. I'd never considered that I might have some type of disorder, I'd always just been weird. I was already being treated for depression and anxiety, so I spoke to my therapist about it. She told me that she'd had her suspicions that I was on the autism spectrum, but that, at my age, testing was pretty pointless. Besides, I was pretty well adjusted and high functioning enough that most people wouldn't notice anything was off and it wasn't affecting my life too much anymore.
Fast forward several years: My oldest is in seventh grade now. Last year, he completed sixth grade without any special accommodations. This was huge for us because he'd had an aide working part-time with him to help with things like staying on task, test taking, and, for a few years, even reminding him to eat (he would get so anxious about missing recess, despite wearing a watch and being able to tell time, that he would skip lunch). And he did it all in a Spanish dual immersion program. He still has some struggles, but we're so proud of how far he's come!
Over the past few years, our youngest son has developed some major behavioral issues. Once again, I took it as just bad parenting on my part. I knew what autism looked like, I saw it everyday in myself and my oldest, and this kid was so much more outgoing and adventurous that when my best friend mentioned getting him tested, I said it couldn't be autism.
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F.E.A.T. (Northern California, but also has great general resources in their Document Library, etc.)
Utah County's Stride Program, through Wasatch Mental Health, was an amazing program for our kids! Combining school and parental participation, it's a thirteen week program that helps kids with behavioral and social issues. If you live in Utah and qualify for the program, this is a MUST.
Emma's Worry Clouds by Annabella Hagen, LCSW, RPT-S, should be in every family's library. It teaches kids and parents about anxiety and coping techniques in a cute, imaginative, and fun way. Anxiety has been a huge struggle for me and my family (both for those of us with autism and those without), so when I heard about this book, I knew it was going to be a must read!
Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser puts a refreshing spin on both parenting and teaching and reveals new techniques and strategies that create thoroughly positive behaviors. I can't tell you how many times the instructors at STRIDE told us to read this book! They said that most of their curriculum was based on this book's approach to parenting and teaching.
The Entitlement Trap by Richard and Linda Eyre is another that came to me highly recommended by the STRIDE program. It teaches how to raise responsible children in an age of instant gratification.
by Temple Grandin When people mention books about autism, they Temple Grandin's name usually comes up, and for good reason! :)
In this unprecedented book, Grandin delivers a report from the country of autism. Writing from the dual perspectives of a scientist and an autistic person, she tells us how that country is experienced by its inhabitants and how she managed to breach its boundaries to function in the outside world. What emerges in Thinking in Pictures is the document of an extraordinary human being, one who, in gracefully and lucidly bridging the gulf between her condition and our own, sheds light on the riddle of our common identity.
Look me in the Eye by John Elder Robison, a "darkly funny memoir" of a man's experiences living with autism.
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SHOP WITH ME ON AMAZONAbout MeI'm a single mom with 3 special needs children, living in Utah, overcoming mental illness and crazy health problems to pull my family out of poverty and live my dreams as an author.
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Medical information is based on my own beliefs and experience. Nothing on this site should be used instead of professional medical advice. Archives
April 2022
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