The Last Jedi Spoiler Free Review and Parental Guide

I was honestly terrified to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi. As I said when The Force Awakens came out, I've been a Star Wars fan for as long as I can remember, and I also love the books. I was really upset when Disney announced that the existing Star Wars books wouldn't be cannon. So many great characters and stories... But that's a whole other blog post. 

Spoiler Free Review

I was hoping that since I'd already heard so many people liked (or even loved) the movie in the 24ish hours since it's opened, and hadn't heard any of my friends say they hated it, that it would be okay, if not entertaining. I went in with low expectations, hoping it would surprise me. I wanted to be wrong. 

I hate being right. 

Mr. Mark Hamill, they should have listened to you. You should always listen to Luke. I wish they had, then maybe this movie would have been done right! 

But The Last Jedi left me feeling like I'd just watched Star Wars written by the Ember Island Players. ​

Please bear with me as it was a late night showing, and I've been up even later writing this. 

The Good
There were some fun moments. Some humor, action, drama, and nostalgia inducing bits. I appreciated that they tried to be a bit lighter in this one. It offset some of the more dramatic tone of the film in a good way.

The Bad

Without spoiling the movie? Let's just say: It was unoriginal, contrived, forced, and they just plain messed up. If you were even remotely unhappy with Rogue One or The Force Awakens, you will like The Last Jedi even less. My husband and I sat there, looking back at each other, saying, "They wouldn't... *sigh* They did..."

Parental Guide

Language
Very little. 

​Violence
It is Star Wars, but I'd say it's less violent than The Force Awakens (less on screen violence, more implied)

Sexual Content
Creature nudity. An animal with human-like breasts is milked (which was just plain weird). 

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Spoiled Rant...err....Review

I really do think they just tried too hard. Let's throw in a feight here, a blind here, double back, and then we'll make them think that... They tried to add so many twists and turns that the story becomes a tangled, useless mess. I won't go through every single detail. I'm pretty sure my brain is suppressing quite a bit. Here's what I can tell you, both good and bad, unless I decide to sit through it again (fat chance!) ​

It started with Leia. She was the first jumped shark I truly couldn't swallow. At first, I was shocked they'd kill her off so quickly. I thought, "They couldn't have really just killed Leia, could they?" I even started to tear up a little bit, thinking there wasn't enough Carrie Fisher in the movie, and it would be the last we'd ever see since she was left us in real life. Then, she started fly through space like some cheesy frozen fairy-pop. WEEEEEEEEEE! Erik and I both just burst out laughing. I still can't believe that one. Is she Princess Leia or Tinkerbell? Don't they know what happens to a person exposed to the vacuum of space?

That bit with Poe pretending he was on hold for Hux was great! Wish there had been more fun, memorable bits like that.

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I can understand that Luke would become disenchanted with the notion of Jedi and cut himself off from the world, but I feel cheated. They wasted my time building up to Luke mentoring Rey, or at least having Luke be a real part of the story, only to die a meaningless death. I mean, seriously, for him to die fighting his apprentice ala Obi-Wan in force-oneness and all that wouldn't have been ideal, but would have still been better than what we got. Why go through all the trouble of setting up a really cool force-powered hologram (which was something pretty cool that I didn't see coming btw) just to kill him like two seconds later? Oh wait, they didn't. That's right, they had to be all dramatic and drag it out forever, make him fall off his little rock pedestal, reach out all agonizingly, sit back, act normal, get everyone's attention via telepathic force junk, AND THEN DIE. 

What is wrong with you people??? You broke Star Wars!

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What else? Well, for one, Chewie won't eat meat. Why does that bother me? Because in this movie full of plot holes and throwaway characters, all we needed was for you to go changing a classically beloved character just to what? Try to make him more loveable? That's just overkill. (Forgive the pun.) 

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Chewbacca is an unapologetic, violent carnivore. He was Han's muscle. A wookie who pulls people's arms off for goodness sake! He eats random dead animals without worrying where they came from. A little porg chop wouldn't give him a lick of guilt. ​

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Can you say, "plot hole?" Who the heck is Snoke? They never explained where he came from, how he rose to power, or how in the heck he's such a powerful sith within such a relatively short time since the Emperor's death! Are we supposed to go research this on our own or just assume it's all supposed to make sense? Because, with Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, I felt like I must have slept through parts or forgotten to do the reading or something. (And to be fair, if I hadn't been so worried about how they were ruining the movie, I would have been asleep before the end of The Last Jedi.) They kind of just thew him into the films to have a bad guy of some sort, then killed him off without any character development.

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There was one point of the show, where I thought, "You know, that's really enough for one movie. They could stop right here and I'd want to watch the next one to see how things turned out." It was right before Luke walked out to confront Kylo. He had just spoken to Leia, we'd gotten that closure, then he was about to step into this crazy scenario where, just like he'd already told Rey wouldn't do any good, he singlehandedly took on all their enemies alone (because, let's face it, we all wanted to see him do just that at some point!) I really wish that had been the ending. That they'd let us breathe a bit, soak up all the devastation and drama we'd witnessed. Kylo and Rey had faced off, she'd rejected the dark side and he'd embraced it. With the decimation of their fleet, the rebellion was facing impossible odds. And it looked like one of our favorite heros was about to sacrifice himself too​—or would he? 

Maybe if they'd stopped there, they would have remembered that the actress who plays the legacy character they'd chosen to carry on to the next film's health was failing and they should probably go a different direction. Heck, even if they'd reshot a scene or two after Carrie Fisher passed away, they could have given Princess Leia the ending she deserves. 

I did, however, like that brief message from Rose, that you should save something you love instead of destroying something you hate. Especially in the midst of all those Kamikaze style deaths (which were getting really old btw,) I was starting to wonder when they'd stop throwing lives at their problems and start to actually strategize), that was refreshing. ​​

I'm gonna stop now. There is so much more, I could go on for hours. Now, I've gotta go face all of the people I love and respect who, for reasons I truly do not understand, loved The Last Jedi. To each their own, I guess. For thise who are fans, what did you like about the movie?